Saturday, October 10, 2009

It's Been TOO Long...

It's been far too long since I last blogged- almost a month! My formerly faithful readers have probably given up on checking for updates. This morning over a coffee conversation with my mom, she informed me that some people told her that they figured that the blog was now "finished" due to the new record I set of longest time between entries! Hopefully my neglected blog will forgive me and we can be like old friends- the kind where no matter how long it's been, you can just pick up wherever you left off!

I'm sad to say this is our first overnight visit back to Calgary since the funeral last month. I have dearly missed my family. I was very much looking forward to this visit and at the same time, wasn't sure what to expect. We all had to go our separate ways immediately after the funeral and all had to find our "new normal's." It's been almost two months since my dad passed away. This would be our first time to witness the new normal around the old homestead.

Last night we arrived at my parent's house to drop off our stuff before heading over to visit my in-laws. Emily was out at a friend's and my mom was quietly and contently watching a movie by herself. No dad seemed so strange. On weekend visits home, I'm used to opening the door and seeing dad from the front hallway at the kitchen table with his tea towel bib handing from his shirt. His face would light up as we would enter. We'd greet him and try to make him laugh. Sometimes I'd give his little bicep a squeeze and ask if he'd been working out. He's shake his head no and of course, smile.

It'll take some time to get used to. I couldn't help the few tears as we headed back out. Mike asked me what was wrong and all I could process was, "It's just seems so different without him."

This afternoon, Mike and Ethan were playing Guitar Hero. Ethan piped up and randomly said, "I'm playing this one for Papa. He can listen to me now because he has a new body." It was one of those should-we-laugh-or-cry moments. Maybe he assumed since the rest of Papa's body wasn't working, he had also become hearing impaired? (It's ironic and funny because he kind of was even before ALS!) Our hearts were so blessed that in his little mind is still filled with thoughts of Papa at times. It is apparent that even in his little 3-year-old heart, Papa left an imprint.


Ellen said...

It was great to see you today at church! I've missed you! Great to see you back here :)
Thanks for sharing your heart...and your journey...I believe it will help us know how to pray for you guys.
Know that you and your precious family are close in thought and prayers during this first holiday without your dad. Your mom had me over for dinner last week. It was somewhat strange for me not having your dad there...
I remember the first visit to my grandmother's house back in March, shortly after she passed. Very strange without her there, even if she hadn't lived there for over a year with being in the nursing home. I hadn't been there much, so knowing the finality of it is strange.
Know that you guys are not alone in this journey!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Kathy Anderson Seidler said...

Thanks for coming back to the blog, Steph. I can only imagine how strange a "new normal" is for you all. I thought about all of you this Thanksgiving. I know it must have been difficult in many ways and yet, knowing your family, there is much to be thankful for. Many blessings to all of you and know you haven't been forgotten. People are praying. Much love to you guys!